Club Loco is one of Bristol's larger venues, but is quite deceptive inside. Being composed of several large rooms connected by narrow passages it can seem cramped and on a busy night it is just that.

The club itself is housed in a weird set of connected buildings/houses/warehouses on Hepburn Road, Stokes Croft, behind The Bank wine bar. On more popular nights you can expect to queue up to the main road from the door - about 50 metres. One-in-one-out situations are not as tiresome as at some clubs though: because it's in-town the club has a good turnover of punters during the night so you will get in eventually.

The entry level features......

...... A strange 'front room' type space on the left of the main (too small) lobby. Grim and empty, sit on the floor or on a chair if you're lucky, in the semi darkness, and spin out. There's one door to the room so getting in can be tricky if your the sensitive type, but why bother to go in there anyway?

...... A scout hut type area with slightly less sparse seating and a bar, the floor space itself is usually well occupied by 2am. Through the bar area and you're into the upstairs dance room - again one entry, one exit, so if you make a flying visit and think it's crap you'll look a prat leaving so soon - great. It's a high hall, about the area of a tennis court and is usually the Drum and Bass/Jungle area on Shimmy night.

Up the stairs from the lobby to the top and there's another awkwardly furnished 'chill out room' - wooden steps and boxes, real quality gear. Still it looks OK by the light of a disposable lighter. This room is not always open.

OK, ready? Now we descend to the bowels of Loco where the madness begins. Down the rediculously narrow stairs and you see the toilets infront of you. They are grim. If, by 6am, you can stand up in the swamp that pretends to be the gents then you can survive anywhere. No bog paper, no locks, no soap, no hot water, no hygene, no flushing, plenty of flooded urinals, plenty of filth. If that's how you like your clubbing then this is the place for you. Left from the bottom of the stairs and you'll find a narrow corridor cum seating area (great combination huh?) running parallel to a seating-cum-bar area (always packed). Through these and turn left and you're into the epicentre of it all, the reason Loco pulls the crowds. The main dance area, on two levels plus a stage. Massive massive massive stobe and industrial smoke machines. Lose your mind - you won't be alone.

OK, now the thing about Loco is temperature. There are air conditioning ducts in the building but it seems doubtful whether they actually do anything. The hottest place in the club is the raised area in the main downstairs dance room - dangerously hot. The passage to the left of the stage is a good place to cool off though. Don't ask me why is so cold there but it is. The main stage is a happy medium - weird! The scout hut is quite pleasant temparature-wise but the rest of the club is freezing in winter and I've never been there in summer.

It has to be said that lots of people complain about upset tummies after nights in Loco and put it down to drinking the tap water in the toilets, mens and womens, but I've not suffered myself. Personally I think the staff are unnecessarily rude, without fail, but maybe they just don't like my face! Water's expensive too and the Red Stripe's warm by 2am. Bar shuts at 3am even if the night goes on 'til seven. Some nights attract a lot of beer-boys until they flake out at 2 or 3am and then the atmosphere improves.

Loco is, in my opinion, a club that you have to really work at to enjoy. The first time I went I hated it, but the second time I stumbled around with a determined grin on my face all night and now I quite get off on the challenge. My best nights there have depended on Simmer to whip up a storm so I can ignore the place and just dance. Wait for a night with your favourite DJ playing, look after yourself and dance HARD - comfy it ain't!